


Just Right

by Anonymous



Category: Homestuck
Genre: A1 Session, Gen, Mental Health Issues, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, SGRUB, second-person narration, take care of yourself, which may make this strike a little closer to home, you know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-10
Updated: 2016-03-10
Packaged: 2018-05-25 20:10:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6208420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are a million things to control in a game like SGRUB. A million little things that no one else sees and no one else understands how to fix, so of course, of <em>course</em> that falls to you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Right

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [homestuck_meme](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/homestuck_meme) collection. 



> **Prompt:**  
>     
> I would love to see something about OCD!Kankri. I may write this myself, but more of these aren't a bad thing so go right ahead. I'm going to ask that if yo do choose this prompt, please do your research, as OCD is often misrepresented. Ships are up to you, but keep it PG please.

Every Wednesday, on cue, a new memo is posted to the team board. A summary of what’s been done in gameplay, a few new proposals, a repeat of the same offer to serve as a platonic mediator or amateur counselor or whatever else you need be, and a call for anyone else’s input, provided they respect the rules of this board as a safe space.

This is a habit that began about two sweeps ago. The only way this game was going to work if it had some sort of organization, and naturally, that fell to you. Because you know how to keep things in control.

Every night each teammate receives a brief check-in, now simplified to a copy-paste form:

>  Hey, ____. Just checking in t9 see h9w y9u’re d9ing. It’s 6een _____ since y9u last replied with a full update, s9 I’m l99king f9rward t9 hearing fr9m y9u s99n. [insert additional c9ncerns when applica6le.]

This is all because you understand what is best for your team. You are, after all, a natural-hatched leader, that instinct striking you to your very core. You can  _feel_  what is right, you always can, it's an ability that’s never abandoned you. And no matter how others may protest, you can't simply sacrifice that knowledge for laziness, nor for talk of your "obsessiveness," your "paranoia."

They'll thank you when the genesis frog is finally completed and you can all put this mess behind you.

Every day as the sun rises you watch it until your eyes begin to burn, and then count to ten before you can stand from your spot. If you do not, a memo gets posted off-schedule - also breaking a bit of a rule, but it's a necessary infraction, you need to make sure everyone is alright. When they do not reply, as they haven’t been lately, you turn your gaze back to the sun and you _think_ them to safety and that’s probably kind of enough.

Maybe.

Fuck, no, it’s not. Not quite.

Another memo gets posted off-schedule and you realize the moment after posting it that _no stop you’re making it worse_ but when you delete it two minutes later that won’t do either, and so for ten minutes it’s going back up, back down, back up, back down- until you notice your hand tapping at your thigh is a good thing. A productive thing. You would know.

You spend the rest of the day tapping away until its right. The sun sets and it’s Wednesday and you can not post your regular memo because you would need to stop tapping to type, they aren’t the same, _you can’t give this up until it’s put right_ and you _clearly_ haven’t done enough to put it right yet.

Wednesday evening. You’ve missed your memo.

Wednesday morning, and you cannot move to your usual spot to watch the sun and you can not move at all, because that would make it worse. You have not eaten, because that would make it worse. No, no, you are the epitome of leadership and you will not abandon your team now.

You can  _feel_  what is right, you always can. Right now the answer's conflicting, but moving or giving up your tapping before it is _right_ will make things worse. Later, you can check in and ensure that everyone is still alive, that the game is still moving forward. Later you can atone for the places you’ve failed them, make up for missed tasks and ruined schedules. Right now you’re sure you are keeping them alive, and if only you could breathe, that would be enough.


End file.
